Maybe I blame it on the American Dream. Maybe I blame it on the path my generation was set out on. Even as a young girl there was a plan for my life, a path that I merely needed to walk … Continue reading
As I sat there, holding Sammy asleep, his last moments of infancy drawing to an end all I could feel was sad. It was the day before he would turn one and I was frustrated that my heart was so heavy. … Continue reading
Two years ago, just right around this time in June, I needed some smiles. Our family needed some joy. Gideon had been gone for a little over 2 months and grief was still hitting in varying degrees. I was in … Continue reading
Life is just not about me. At least, I really don’t want it to be. It’s a prayer on my lips literally every morning, “Help me not be so concerned about me today Lord. Ready me for your work, not mine.”
It’s hard though right? Kids, husbands, friends, and family the temptation is constantly there. What I think is best, or what I want to do, or how I think the day should go, or the many reasons why I believe it is completely unreasonable for you to walk in the door, throw your socks in the middle of the living room floor, shove your underwear behind the ever loving toilet (why is that even a thing), make a mess with your after school monstrosity of an ice cream sundae, and all after I spent the entire day finally getting to clean this place! Oh wait. Shoot. It’s not about me. It’s not always about my preferences or ideals. It’s about others, come hell or high water, it should be about others. What I meant to say was, “How was your day? I am so glad you are home!”
It starts with an overall discontenment. Because in my crazy perfectionist brain there is always something that needs to be fixed or be better, its hard for me to let things go. It’s hard for me to just quiet my thinking and focus on the people around me.
I learned something last week.
The routineness of my writing has fed into my discontentment. The deadline that I created, that I made, and that I make myself follow has led to me focused thinking. It was stressing me out and it was stressing my family out. Less of this, more of contentment. More peaceful mind moments and low expectations. When I do those things, I am more able to focus on what is truly important: giving to others the way Christ gives to me.
Make no mistake, I am still going to write. When I don’t I think I might bust at the seams with the desire to connect with you and share whatever lessons God is currently and lovingly teaching me. It’s a call and a passion and I don’t want to stop it. But I need to begin to let more things in my life happen naturally and organically instead of forcing things all the time.
Here is another example I came across, for whatever reason I am not really sure, but me and social media is just not working out. For love I promise you I tried! I gave it my best effort and I rolled with it for weeks. I was on it, posting, commenting, liking, “reacting,” I was all in! And now I’m done. haha. Well not really, not done done, but again the regularity and commitment just fed more into an overall feeling of discontentment and me focused thinking. Which then led to less time being the me I really want to be. Content. Others focused.
Ah. I feel a deep breath coming just putting these things in writing. A freedom. A relief that maybe me just being the way God made me is good enough. A realization that maybe I don’t need to always listen to the loudest voices even though many times they are the only voices I can hear.
Instead more voices like this, “Do not be afraid, for I am with you” Isaiah 43:5
Are there any things in your life that are causing you discontentment? Maybe you don’t even realize it, but take a step back and think.
What about the me focused thing? It’s a large beast to tackle, I realize. It’s a natural thing I think we need in doses and moderation. After all we are created to survive, excel, succeed, and live passionately. These good things all come alongside us having to spend some time investing in ourselves. But I mean the type of me thinking that puts others down. The type of me thinking that blinds us to the truth that putting other’s lives and preferences above our own is not supposed to feel good, be easy, or be painless. It is supposed to feel sacrificial. It is supposed to cause a little bit of discomfort. Which relationships in your life could use a little less me focus? I can think of a kagillion in my life.
As I pray to end this week I am excited about a new season.
“Dear God, I thank you for this day and these friends and family of mine. I thank you that you have offered us a way to live life together over the miles and over the busyness of life. God I ask your forgiveness for the times when my own self thinking causes me to miss an opportunity to love well. I ask that you would give me better eyes to see when I am doing this. I ask you for the courage it takes to put myself aside and put aside the things that I might even see as good, better, or best. Father I thank you that you are ever loving and ever forgiving, that you don’t leave me alone in the messes that I make. I pray too that you would help me sit contently. Whether my day has calmness or busyness, whether the house is messy or clean, whether I am happy or sad I pray for contentment. I pray for peace. Help us Lord to continue to seek you in all of these things. Amen!”
I’ve always wondered what it was like for Mary to raise Jesus as a child. Was he perfect? Did he cry? Did Jesus get a time out when he was three? Surely he did not try to stick his fingers … Continue reading