I Can Do What I Want!

To be clear, it was one of those mornings when I had exactly 45 minutes in between places.  You know, one of those…I just got home from dropping the kids off and have a small and awkward amount of time before I have to be at the next appointment.  My very compliant, helpful, sweet, and non complaining third child usually just comes along for the ride of the morning.  This particular morning I gave him the choice to watch a show if he wanted.  This is what I got…

His request for 3 Wallykazam’s soon turned to the request for 10 Wallykazam’s and I found myself looking to the sky, hands up in the air, going “Why??  Why now?  Why now does my son decide he can do whatever he wants?”  Right from the start his words gave me a chuckle.  I had never heard any of my children tell me that before and so his seriousness surprised me.  What gave him that idea?  What in him decided at that moment in time that 10 tv shows was a perfectly fine request and that he could do it if he wanted to?

I fully admit that I do nothing other than fumble my way through this parenting life, often offering up tons of one lined prayers. So my first plan of attack was to tell him, “Okay, you can do whatever you want…then go ahead.  Go watch your Wallykazam’s.”  Knowing full well he cannot do anything of the sort.  He needs me to reach the remotes, find the right channel and press play.  He wanted to do whatever he want but he needed me in order to get it.  Here was his next response…

He upped the ante.  Matter of fact wasn’t working, so all out yelling was next (still insert a giggling Mommy).  Also now his time is running out to even watch one Wallykazam so my next attempt at peace sounded like this, “Honey, I know you want 10 shows, for so many reasons 10 shows is not going to happen this morning.  If you would like, Mommy can put on one for you.”  Now this…

In the saga of parenting, it couldn’t have been more priceless, unexpected, and downright hilarious.  He is so darn cute, and even in the middle of his young tantrum I looked at him in adoration.  Baffled, yes…but always adoring.

Since that day last week I have found myself not too far from Aaron’s disposition.  It goes something like this…

Me: “Hi God,  Its me Maria.  I was thinking, you gave me this brain to think and to reason.  You gave me natural abilities, desires and passions soooooo I was wondering if I can, you know…do what I want.”

God:  “Well, this is true.  But I also created you to need me.”

Me:  “Right.  But can I do what I want?”

God:  “You can sure try.  But sometimes I make it hard for you to get what you want, because I know in the long run its not really what you need.  It looks good, right, and best from your view…but from mine…well from my view its much more complicated than that.”

Me:  “It seems to me that sometimes your way is so much harder and longer.  Right now, I just want to do what I wannnnnntt!!”

God:  “I truly do adore you and, even in your demanding, I still love you so.”

Me:  “So it doesn’t sound like I am going to get what I want.”

God:  “Not this time, but someday you will thank me. And remember… “Which of you, if your son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!” Matthew 7:9-11

Be it this or that, there are a few things that come to my mind that I can see no good reason why God did not give me what I asked for.  And I’m not even talking Gideon Healing Miracle level asks, I am talking wanting to watch 10 Wallykazams level asks.  Seemingly little things, that in my mind’s eye I really just wanted what I wanted.  Little 3 year old spiritual temper tantrums are not often far behind.

But I rest in the fact that I know that God adores me with a level of adoration I can understand.  For if God has created in me the ability to love my children as much as I do, how much greater even is His love for me.  And if He tells me I can’t watch my 10 tv shows right now, because he loves me, I will trust Him.  After all, I know I can’t reach the tv remotes or find the channel without Him anyway.