What Makes You Feel Loved?

I could probably sit here for years and list all the things I am not good at.  Things that just don’t come naturally to me.  Things like…

Geography

Math

Basketball

Painting

Mopping the floor

Singing

Riding anything motorized

Choosing Curtains

…to name only a few.

I could also, probably sit here for about a day or two, and acknowledge that there are a few things I am good at.  Things that come naturally to me and that I enjoy…

Dancing

Writing

Organizing

Talking

Volleyball

Eating things with peanut butter (that can count right?)

…to name a few.

Point being, at one point in my life I decided that I thought it best to only spend time, energy, and effort on the things on my “can” do list.  That if I can do it, than I should do it and that anything I cannot do I should not do.  It was a cute but erroneous philosophy.  Mainly in terms of relationships.

It seems that the concept of Love Languages has become a fairly universal understanding.  That generally there are five and that every one has a top two that make them feel full in the “I’m Loved” department.  They are (as I understand it) Physical Touch, Words of Encouragement, Quality Time, Gifts, and Acts of Service.

I have always appreciated that they are called languages, quite simply because if you are trying to love someone who speaks a different love language than you do…well…then its like communicating to someone who speaks a different language.  Hence the downfall of my “only do things I’m good at” philosophy.

I have, for years, fallen epically short on loving people who do not speak my language (which is Quality Time).  I mean epically short.  I just didn’t think I would be good at it so I just didn’t try enough.  Verbal Words of Encouragement, Physical Touch, Gifts, Acts of Service…just far too null and void in my outpourings over the last few years.  So this Christmas…I am trying.  It is not easy, but I believe that it is the heartfelt trying that will hopefully bring out love.

Its an attempt out of self-centeredness.  That all that I experience always has to be out of and through the lense of what is everything me.  My brain has the tendency to whine and self focus and, especially when it comes to speaking a different language, the temptation to give up is real.  But alas the God that I serve is a God who put aside all His grandiose magnificence.  Put aside the fact that he could have stayed in Heaven for always with His Father, but instead decided to come to us.  As a lowly, innocent little baby, so that we could fully live.

I have to confess, sometimes when I go down these roads I get crazy and wonder why I am trying?  All these gifts?  All this time?  Running four kids through Target for the umpteenth time?  Cooking a big dinner in an already messy house to eat dinner with loved ones?  Is it all worth it?  Should I just stick to the things that are comfortable?  The things that come more naturally to me?  So far, the fruit of the work has far outweighed the burden.  Though it has not been easy, its been worth it.

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Sweet Ana and her husband Jose have become like family to us.  A couple weeks ago we put it on the calendar for them to come over at 5:00 Sunday for a homecooked Chicken Parm meal.  I am not exaggerating, I walked in the door with the groceries at 4:00, a pile of dishes in the sink, with not one food item put away never mind being cooked and I thought, “what on earth am I doing??  How is this ever going to be possible??”  I can’t really explain to you how it all worked out, I can just promise you that it did.  And despite all the crazy, it was a treasured and sweet night.  One I am so very thankful to have had.
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So at one point I had the brain child that all the kid’s teachers deserved “bouquets of encouragement” for Christmas gifts.  Flowers each containing all the ways the kids are thankful for them.  I remember at one point I literally think I was nursing Samuel, hot glue gunning a flower to a stick, and yelling at Aaron not to cut the flower he just made into little pieces.  Again with the “what am I thinking?  How am I possibly going to do this?”  Once again, not really sure how we got to the finish line, but we did, and it was so worth it. (also No babies were harmed in the hot glue gunning process so there’s another win) 

Its been making me ask these questions…

Surely I know my husband’s love languages, have I been putting them above my own?

My kids, do I fully know what theirs are yet?  Can I spend time to figure out what they are?

Do I take the time to know, to fully know, what makes the people I am with feel loved?

I am, as always a work in progress.  Never fully arriving to one single place but always praying boldly that I will always be going somewhere.  My prayer for this week is that despite the Christmas crazy, I am loving someone well.

I wonder, would you be willing to share…what makes you feel loved??  I love getting ideas.

4 thoughts on “What Makes You Feel Loved?

    1. Brittnie!! So right now I am just thankful for you sharing your love language and that it is something I can do from far away!
      Dear Sister…
      You are sweet, a Godly woman who I have grown to admire and adore. You are hardfast at your faith and strong in your womanhood, both things to be so confident in. I share a kindred spirit with you, both starting in the insecurity world we have somehow (sadly as it may be) ventured into the babyloss world. Yet all the way your eyes have stayed fixated on your trust in God, knowing full well how intricately He has ordained your story. You are BEAUTIFUL! You are an amazing writing and a blog friend I am so happy to know.
      Merry Christmas sweet Brittnie, to you and your special family too!

  1. Maria, my friend, this is so rich! Thank you for the sweet reminder to SLOW DOWN during this cRaZy, yet wonderful time of year.

    My love language is quality time as well, so I feel “oh so loved” when Lee sets out ON HIS OWN (not as a result of my nagging, whining or hinting, ha!) to spend alone time with me!

    1. Gotta love those husbands right?!?! How easy yet so hard it is to love on eachother in a way that actually makes us feel…well…loved! You got a good one there sister 🙂 Glad to know I have a friend in the “quality time” club!

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