Something Has Got to Give

I’m really not a crazy person.  At least that’s what I tell myself.  Each week I find myself wondering, “I wonder if they do think I am a crazy person?  Wonder if I should have said that?”  And week after week my fears are declined by some sort of interaction that goes something like this:

Sweet woman that I meet out and about: “I read what you wrote last week and I was like ‘sheesh’ I thought it was just me that felt like that/went through that/does that!”

I’m all like: “Phew!!  I’m so glad you said that because I was wondering the same thing!  You too then??  Good, then we have got…this…thing…covered. WE can make it right??”

Sweeter woman even still: “Yes!  So don’t ever stop writing all about it!”

Whiiiiiiccchhhhh, brings me to this post.  This day.

I have been full.  Too full, to the top of the brim I am way too busy I am about to bust type full.  Something has to give.  Actually something always does give, but this time I wanted to try and choose it before it chose me.  Laundry piled up, to do list out of control and minutes running out I got all frenzied.  “I can’t do it all!  Something has got to give.”

So I laid out my choices.  I give them to you:

  1. Small part time side work I do from home at nights
  2. Bible study on prayer I am teaching on Thursday mornings
  3. Serving on the prayer team on Sundays
  4. My blog writing I do every Monday
  5. House cleaning (psych, this one can’t be on the ‘to cut list’ but oh how I wish that it could!)

There it lay, the only regular and optional activities I have in my life.  I left off the list all the other one million unoptional things I have to do as well as any one-off or impromptu meetings.  I shared it with my husband and (quite honestly) sadly prayed over them this week.  Which one God?  Which one needs to go.

See the thing is I didn’t want any of them to really go.  I very specifically and intentionally  put them in my life to begin with!  How, why am I at this place now to need to give one of them up? How did I get to this frazzle dazzle lose my wits place every week?  So alas here I am with you, pondering.

The logical Maria did a cost benefit analysis, looked like this:

  1.  Can’t give up work, it’s too side notish and helpful to our family.  (nix that off the cut list)
  2. Bible study is a temporary commitment and it makes me come alive to study with those women during those two hours.  Those two hours are worth sacrificing for. (nix that off the cut list)
  3. Serving on the prayer team actually takes zero of my time during the week its only a sweet time 15 min after service. (nix that off the cut list)
  4. And…then…there…is………but nooooooo!  I don’t want to!  God is this seriously the only thing I can come up with?  Giving up my writing?  Do I need to give it up when I really don’t want to?  Its my pouring out, my taking in, my giving headance to what God is doing in my life, its my Gideon revived passion, its my ‘met that awesome lady and she said I can never stop’.  And so I was down to one.

Honestly I went all through the week thinking this was going to have to be my ‘I have no choice but to take some time off from writing’ post.  I was dreading it.  Then this happened…

Rest.

What’s that, you say?  What’s rest?  Amen to that, I had forgotten too.

This weekend, I rested.  I did only what was necessary to keep my children happy and healthy and everything else got pushed aside.  If it was something stressful or something I did not enjoy doing I told it to ‘bug off and wait til Monday.’  No guilt.  No over analysis.  Just rest.

And you know what the awesome thing about God is…none of it was even on purpose.  It wasn’t until today, looking back, that I realized…wowsers!  Look at that, I like rested this weekend!  No outings to the park to entertain, no million errands, no picking up this and that, no keeping up with the illusional need of constant entertainment.  It just was and it was good and it was once again God reminding me, “You always think you know what to do don’t you?  Your cute logical ideas always do entertain me!  Aren’t my ways always better?” (that was my God voice, just in case you missed that part).

And so, I threw out the list.  Sorry to say, you’re stuck with me awhile longer.  Turns out I don’t need less of pouring myself out, I just need a little bit more of filling myself up first.  I need rest and not in a lazy/selfish way, but in a ‘if I am going to go ape to the wall during the week then I need rest on the weekends’ way.

Afterall, some things are just worth resting for.

Fear welled up a few times this week.  The kind that made me think I was busying my children's childhood away.  The words of my parents whisping through my mind 'just wait, it goes by so fast!'  Hence the picture.  Pretty sure my parents think this was yesterday for them (me on the left and my daughter on the right).  But the fear subsided after my soaking weekend.  I slowed down to a snails pace and just spent time doing all kinds of nothing with my kids.  Ahhhh, it will be okay, as long as I take times like 'these' no amount of busy can ever take it away.  And thank you God for that.
Fear welled up a few times this week. The kind that made me think I was busying my children’s childhood away. The words of my parents whisping through my mind ‘just wait, it goes by so fast!’ Hence the picture. Pretty sure my parents think this was yesterday for them (me on the left and my daughter on the right). But the fear subsided after my soaking weekend. I slowed down to a snails pace and just spent time doing all kinds of nothing with my kids. Ahhhh, it will be okay, as long as I take times like ‘these’ no amount of busy can ever take it away. And thank you God for that.

4 thoughts on “Something Has Got to Give

  1. Maria, You must know how many people you touch every week with Gods Love. I for one am always awaiting your weekly blog. I tear up with your writings I smile and of course laugh from the bugs, poop shirt and all. You are so blessed in more ways than one,soooooooooooo my love hang in there and don’t give up…I LOVE YOU AND MY PRAYERS ARE ALWAYS WITH YOU

  2. I was dealing with that same thing lately- dr appointments, homeschooling, cleaning the house, keeping up with my online stuff…its exhausting. I didn’t get the same answer as you did. In fact, God told me to just keep slugging through it. I was like “really…really, really?” But I sucked it up and kept working but with a shifted attitude. It seems like the work is easier when I know its what God needs me to be doing. 🙂
    And I’m glad you aren’t going to drop blogging, I enjoy reading your thoughts!

    1. Attitude really does help doesn’t it. Praise God for that shift for you, sludging through is so exhausting! Praying for you today, that for what God called you to He will also equip you with all you need. Much love!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s