Its Busted.

My give a damn, that is (sorry for cussing Greta).  My give a damn is way busted and, I have to confess, it is quite freeing.  I was reminded of this fact this past weekend during a conversation with a dear friend of mine (who will remain nameless lest she kill me, but she knows who she is) about skirt bathing suit bottoms.

Ironically enough, both of us had experienced an “intervention” of sorts from our peers about wearing skirt bathing suits.  Apparently, unbeknownst to us, skirt bathing suits are now reserved for people “not of our generation.”  Furthermore, skirt bathing suits are way out of style and must be quickly burned as to not be tempted to wear them again.  Hmmf, well there went our entire bathing suit wardrobe!

You see I’m pretty sure both of us have spent the majority of our bathing suit living going quickly from a towel wrapped bottom, fast to sit on the edge of the pool, and then a quick slip into the water.  Taking extreme great care that no one ever catching a standing glimpse of our bottoms.  And as these reminiscings went through my mind I happily discovered that…wait…what?  I don’t care anymore?  Really, I don’t care?  Wow, nope…I don’t care.  Bottom glimpse away and skirt bottoms begone!  Its fun not to care.  Its freeing.

How about this instead??  I think this might be next for me.  If you haven't guessed already, I think extreme fatigue is setting in for me.
How about this instead?? I think this might be next for me. If you haven’t guessed already, I think extreme fatigue is setting in.
Practically speaking I'm not SO much loving this bathing suit pic.  But life speaking its an awesome family memory so I'm not into caring so much about the bathing suit angles.
Practically speaking I’m not SO much loving this bathing suit pic. But life speaking its an awesome family memory so I’m not into caring so much about the bathing suit angles.

This all got me thankfully calculating all the things that my ‘give a damn is busted’ on (I really can’t take credit for the saying, its from a country song of course).  Not in a bad way either, not in the way that leaves me caring about others less or loving less often.  But in a way that actually frees my mind, heart, and time up more for those types of important things.  The worrying, guilt, paranoia type things that kept my heart and mind from appreciating and fully investing.  As my sweet friend Emily Freeman puts it in my currently favorite book Simply Tuesday, “You can’t be comparing yourself to someone and also be in community with them”.  Now that can apply to more than bathing suit bods of course, but ya know.

Bathing suit bottoms is just a start and I was thrown into the deep end to test my give a damn bustedness on vacation.  7 weeks after having Sammy there I was, headed to the beach, wondering if I was going to be bothered by my less than down to normal sized body.  Off I went, not caring, able to soak in the sun, and the kids, and the beauty without worry.  I’m starting to get used to this.

Onto my house.  I’ve seen it in my house too.  Most often as a young (now stay at home) mom, the state of my house directly afftected my state of worth.  Messy house = failing woman.  End of day crazy = epic fail Mom.  Kids on screen too much = Parenting magazine is going to commandeer my children.  Post Gideon, Post Samuel, Post figuring out how to mother 4 kids on earth and 1 child in heaven my soul finally takes a sigh of relief and lets me let those things go.

Imagine my delight in reading this this week, “But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7  And may the energy that I used to put forth caring about all the outside, simply go towards the heart and only for my audience of One.

My prayer for myself is that this ‘give a damn bustedness’ also applies to my faith in Christ.  That no longer would I be ashamed to proclaim His name in worry that I might offend someone.  No longer would I coy back, saying a quiet prayer in my head instead of boldly sharing what Christ has done for me, who He is, and that He came to SAVE not condemn.  That my quiet, sincere faith as a young Christian woman and mom would start caring a little less about what people think of me and caring a whole lot more of what people think of my Heavenly Savior.  He’s pretty awesome you know.  Saved the world.  Saved me.  Saved my husband and my sweet baby boy living with Him now.  I claim forgiveness for all the times I hid away from this truth, may this shying away get thrown out with the bathing suit skirt bottoms.

So, here’s to no longer having guilt that my ipod playlist goes from Chris Tomlin to Flo Rida to Taylor Swift and then back to Chris Tomlin!

Here’s to no longer feeling bad if my dishes are not done or my child’s room CANNOT stay clean!

Here’s to one haircut per year and proud of it!

Here’s to bathing suits that cannot hide war wounds of bearing children!

And here’s to HE that has patiently waited all these years for me to pick up the call to share His Light with the world!

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