It was a full out Mommy tantrum. You know, the kind when you angrily pick up toys and things…as if that is going to help anything at all. Helpful or not, that was my current choice and I was pacing around hucking stuffed animals into the wooden toy box.
“Why am I the only one that picks up around here?”
“Why am I the only one that seems to care when there are smushed grapes and apple juice sticking up our kitchen floor?”
“Why do I always feel like I am constantly being the bad guy?”
“Wah wah wah, cry cry cry, blah blah blah…”
You get the point. All types of whiney complaints and dreams of Mommy cleaning strikes going through my head. Then BAM! “Pup Dog” (see below)
Is hastily and waywardly thrown by tantrum throwing Mother and it misses the toy chest. The sound of the plastic dog hitting the side of the wooden chest sets off the “glass break” trigger in the guest room and insert loud sound of house alarm going off in the Furlough home at 11:00 pm at night.”
“This is CPI security identify yourself!”
“Uh ummmmm, this is the owner of the home Maria Furlough.”
“Maam, is everything okay?”
“Um yes, my ‘toy putting away’ in the guestroom set off the alarm. Sorry.”
“Can you confirm your password?”
“Password?! Ummmm (insert yelling accross the house) Daaaaaavvvvveeee whats the CPI password?????”
What on earth? How did I get here? What in the world has compelled me as a decent human being and mother to set off the house alarm at 11:00pm while putting toys away?? I think I have a small idea…
Its hit us a little harder than expected. We have waited so longingly for Samuel to arrive that we completely and utterly took into no account what it actually takes to raise a family of four children with a baby. We were so happy, grateful, joyful, excited, and thankful that the sleepless nights, crying baby, playing kids, and messy house has taken me by storm. I’m still all those things (grateful and such) just picture a ‘grateful’ non-showered, never sleeping, house pacing, toy throwing crazy woman. Still excited, also very crazy.
Gideon taught me peace. He taught our entire family the realness of the presence of God and how mercy and grace is ours in abundance when we need it most. Gideon was our Star, our little precious Heavenly star.
Gideon, our little star, led us strongly and well.
Insert now, little Samuel. Now, we see, there is still so much more to be learned from these precious baby boys. Gideon’s “star” came about casually. Here and there things that we bought him happen to have stars on them and when he was born the hat my Grandma made him I wanted to keep. He needed a new hat. Out came the star, knitted and prayed over by a sweet woman who donated it to the hospital. Samuel’s symbol came about in a similar manner.
Whales were cute, I liked the pattern…sold! A nautical theme for the nursery. Little by little the same thing kept coming on the sheets, on the bibs, on the blanket. An anchor. Anchors everywhere and I have not been able to get of my head its meaning.
Hebrews 6:19 says this:
“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure.”
Firm and secure. In this life, though the crazy and the failures and the CPI security moments will come. Though we will experience both pain and joy and frustration over the ridiculously small things in our God we will have hope and it will anchor us always firm and secure.
With Samuel, as we navigate these days of a new family, with a new baby we remember always what Gideon stood for. I think remembering him has gotten us through some of the hard days of these past weeks. But even now, as we see that not all seasons carry the same type of “hard,” we remember confidently that no matter what we do or don’t do…we are anchored to a God who will always love us. Always. And thank God we have a little anchor to remind us of that every single day.