As we sat in our hospital room Dave and I reminisced about all the life we had lived in the walls of that place. 8 years, 4 deliveries, 1 c-section, and 5 children later we had done it all in that one place. It is special to us. It carries both the happiest and saddest moments of our lives and we have really been wanting to donate something to them in honor of how special the life of each baby is.
Over the last few years my Mom has rekindled her love for sewing and with so many friends and family having babies she created “Blessing Burpers.” With every stitch she prays for the baby that would be loved and snuggled in the folds of the fabric. It not only carries a sweet and practical purpose, but each burper holds a blessing…
“The Lord your God is with you,
He is mighty to save.
He will take great delight in you,
He will quiet you with His love,
He will rejoice over you with singing.” Zephaniah 3:17
They would be perfect! And as Dave and I stewed over ideas we decided to ask our nurse what she thought. Janine had been with us for two days now and we had fun chatting with her. As the following moments unfolded before me, I once more, in the walls of that hospital encountered the magnificence of God.
“Hey Janine!” Dave said casually, “We have a question we wanted to run by you. We have had 5 children in this hospital, one special one named Gideon we lost about a year ago, and through it all this place has meant a lot to us. What do you think about us donating something for babies born here, like burpers or something?”
Janine first said, “Oh that’s a great idea!” then Janine looked at Dave and then back at me and calmly said, “I have been wanting so badly to talk to you both but I didn’t know how to bring it up. I know all about your Gideon and I wanted to let you know I lost a little one here too. My little Cameron was born still just two rooms over.”
Silence, as the moment sunk in.
Tears not only for the loss of our own child, but tears for the pain of the other woman in the room… knowing how great her pain was. Tears because it feels so good to talk about them, our children. Tears because it feels awkwardly relieving to talk to someone who knows what it’s like and tears because you see God’s goodness in these divine encounters.
Can I just say, it felt so good to cry. I had been so consumed with happiness and relief of Samuel coming, but I knew there was another layer of mourning Gideon that needed to come…having the memory of his cheeks and feet and touch flooding back. So I let it all flow out as Janine shared Cameron with us. His sweet story connecting with Gideon’s and both Mom’s recognizing in that room that they are so missed but so constantly still with us every step of the way.
Janine was there to walk us out. And oh…that…walk…
Nurse Kim walked me out with Gideon. Tears streaming down all of our faces Kim wheeled me out, no baby in hand, knowing the walk was so much farther than an elevator ride. Now, this time it was Janine. A fellow baby loss Momma that cried with us too, knowing fully the weight of that walk.
Its funny how life brings notice to things that have always been there, but never enjoyed. Dave, My Mom, Nurse Janine, and Samuel all began the walk and paused not long after our room because the emotion hit heavy. Right where we paused there happened to be a key on the wall and Janine said, “I am going to play this lullaby for you! And as she turned that key the whole hospital floor filled with the sounds of a lullaby. There has never been a lullaby so sweet.
I am so completely thankful for those tears and Nurse Janine. So thankful for Cameron and his sweet baby life that grabbed a hold of my heart. So thankful that, in one more way, God allowed a Gideon whisper in my ear, “It’s okay Momma, it’s going to be okay.”
Thank you God for hospital tears and lullabyes.