As I sat there on our porch watching the sunrise, I felt like the world stopped. I found myself in a different place. Not really fully here and with a big piece of my heart firmly planted in Heaven, Gideon’s Birthday felt like it was a day set apart. A day set aside for Gideon and for all those who loved him so. It was a blessed swirl of peace, sadness, joy, love and celebration. Also a swirl of BLUE!
David and Faith, our oldest two decided that morning that they really didn’t want to be apart from us that day. So, Gideon’s Birthday trumped school and they all stayed home for, what ended up becoming, blueapalooza. Blue hair mousse, blue rock painting, blue flower planting, and blue washing off and causing a full out water fight that ended with the inside of our entire garage being hosed down. At one point my thought honestly was, “Truly you are not fit for parenting on this day.” And its true, I really wasn’t.
But as I stepped back (taking deep breathes in an attempt to fully not care about the epic mess we were making) it became clear to me that this is exactly Gideon’s gift to our family. Tuesday was about him. A little baby who brought peace, healing and wholeness to our family. A peace that often looks like chaos. A peace beyond reason, that in the depths of sorrow and loss there is still hope and joy available. A truth from God, that His ways are not our ways and that yes sometimes monstrously sized messes, turmoils, and losses can be coupled by some of life’s deepest blessings. That GideonBlue explosion was a perfect picture of legacy, and I was so thankful for it.
Soon we were ready to head to the cemetery for our balloon release and the kids were extra excited for our “car ride full of balloons!” We had a simple time planned. Write Gideon messages on our balloons, Dave was going to pray, David shared his memory verse John 14:27, Faith read the story of Gideon in the Bible, and my job was just the “thank you.” It was there that the hard moments came for me. The tears of a Momma simply sad her boy is not here. And as I blubbering cried in front of my entire family I took a deep breath and remembered that its okay. That is what we are supposed to do when we lose someone that we love. Its going to hurt. It just is.
You were such a huge part of our day. Your GideonBlue pictures are implanted on these hearts of ours forever. Your prayers and love and joy for Gideon’s life were deeply felt and they lifted up our family all day. I went overboard, but I basically posted every single GideonBlue pic I could get my hands on! To all the sweet ones on Instagram, I couldn’t grab those, but I have scrolled through them just about a million times.
Thank you for making Gideon’s birthday so special. Thank you for allowing his little life to impact yours. Thank you thank you for our GideonBlue celebration.