To My Sweet Sweet Gideon Matthew,
I still can’t believe it has been a year. It feels like forever since you took my heart and these days without you have been gloriously mixed with pain and joy. We miss you so, and so often we wish you were here for us to hold. To kiss, to snuggle, to sing to and get beat up by your older brothers and sister. But sweet Gideon, thank you that you have never fully left us. Though we cannot see you or touch you, you are ever present in our family. We talk about you over dinner, you come up every time we see blue, and whenever the sky carries a beautiful array of clouds and colors there you are too. You are in the wind that blows the windmill at your gravesite, you are in so many songs that make this momma praise and cry all at the same time, and most of all you are firmly planted in our hearts.
Gideon, never before have I so longed for heaven. I have one foot in those clouds with you and I try to remember how blissful you are right now. It brings me great joy to know that you can know us and love us, yet be able to personally be held and perfectly loved by the God who created you. Your first year of life must have been amazing for you. The things you have seen…the infinite joy you lived. I have to confess its hard for me to imagine a life greater for you then what I wanted to give to you, but then I remember that we will be able to have that too someday…actually for forever!
Gideon, Mommy can’t thank you enough for you being you. You have taught me so much and have changed me forever. Its weird for me to realize that I don’t need to pray for you anymore. That of all a Mommy can dream for her child, the dream always ends in being assured that you will be eternally safe with God. That no matter what life brings, we will all end up together when real life will begin. Yes, its weird not to pray for you…but there is nothing left to pray. You have come, you have touched more lives than most people ever do, and you are safe. You are good. You are precious. My prayers lie now in God helping me always to remember. Helping me, Daddy, your sister, your brothers, your family to live fully having forever learned from your life. Can you ask God for me? Ask Him face to face, “Hey God, keep reminding them how awesome YOU are.”
I love your nose, your cheeks, your wrinkly feet, and your soft soft hair. Yes for those things I think I will forever long. But I love YOU. You. You. You. You. And this past year you have been here and I know you will continue to be.
Here’s to you, my sweet son. I pray that all day today, in our small little ways, you see how much you are loved. We have cake for you, cookies in your honor, blue all over our bodies, and a million balloons coming your way. You have family and friends across states that will be celebrating you and all that you brought to our lives.You are one special little man and we will always love you deeply. I miss you my sweet, and always always will until I get to kiss you once more.
All my love,
A Few of the many ways you are celebrated…
And of course, we couldn’t end the day without remembering you. Pretty sure you won’t get a birthday without this precious memory being posted. Love you Gideon, we will always Carry You.