Always Inconvenient

“God’s call is always inconvenient.”  Christine Caine’s words repeated over and over again in my head.  Always?  Is it really always inconvenient?  I think I came to a conclusion on that question.

At first I went drastically through my memories, thinking of all the major God moments in our lives and through all the times I specifically knew there was something God wanted me to do.  None of them, not one, fell into the definition of being convenient.

Each one stretching me beyond what I thought I was capable of.  Each one pushing me past my own wants and desires.  Each one never ever being easy and never ever fitting into any of my previously conceived notions of how I thought things should go.  All the big things, all the things that matter most in this life and bear the most goodness…nope none of them were convenient.

I don't want to over spiritualize Disney by claiming it was a call from God.  But it was full of inconvenience and the challenges of being pregnant and lugging the kids around 24/7 were many.  Add in a little sick virus and you have yourself one pretty inconvenient cocktail.  But can I tell you how full my soul was?  There were moments in my days with them that I just sat in awe of them and soaked up their smiles.  Their hugs were many, their thankfulness was abundant, and they were literal angel children (way more so than usual).  At points before going on the trip I felt like I was a crazy woman to attempt it.  But my oh my am I eternally thankful I did, for the memories I had with my three children were some of our most precious to date.  (On a side note did you know that this Mickey talks to you now??  Whaaaaattt?)
I don’t want to over spiritualize Disney by claiming it was a call from God. But it was full of inconvenience and the challenges of being pregnant and lugging the kids around 24/7 were many. Add in a little sick virus and you have yourself one pretty inconvenient cocktail. But can I tell you how full my soul was? There were moments in my days with them that I just sat in awe of them and soaked up their smiles. Their hugs were many, their thankfulness was abundant, and they were literal angel children (way more so than usual). At points before going on the trip I felt like I was a crazy woman to attempt it. But my oh my am I eternally thankful I did, for the memories I had with my three children were some of our most precious to date. (On a side note did you know that this Mickey talks to you now?? Whaaaaattt?)

Then I thought through Bible stories.  Men and women, whose stories we learned as little kids in Vacation Bible School…were their calls convenient?

Noah?  Nope, pretty sure its not very convenient to convince your whole family that its a good idea to not do any other work other than building a boat the size of Texas.  Also doesn’t sound convenient to live with snakes and spiders and poop.  I’m just saying.

Moses?  Ummmmm freeing the slaves, parting the red seas, wandering about in the desert.  Nope not very convenient.

David, trust me, just go kill the giant with the stone.

Esther, really its cool…just go risk your life in an attempt to save the Jews.

All the disciples leaving their homes, lives, jobs, families to go start the churches we live in today.

Jesus…well He left the comfort of Heaven to come here to die in the worst way possible so that we might live.  Sounds to me like the definition of inconvenient.

Yup, Christine Caine was right and, even worse, I had begun to crave convenience over the infinitely better inconvenience of God’s calls upon our lives.  Somewhere along the line my heart retwined around wanting first the comforts and conveniences of this life.  Nice weather, big home, easy days, caught up housework, new clothes, and happy households.  I began to want it, crave it and desire to keep it at any cost.  Forget something greater!  Forget the better and more long lasting and more others impactful!!  I just want easy for me God!  Can’t I, just this once?  Just for now want it easy for me? Come on pleeeeaaassseee?  Just for a week?  A month?  A year?  God for the easy, convenient, and comfortable?  Just for a little while…

Sure you can have that, is that what you really want?  

I have to tell you, I did want it.  I stomped my foot down and after losing a child and grieving and crying and hormoning I said “screw it” yes I do want easy.  Then those words…

Maria…my call is always inconvenient.  But it is always good.

And so now I stand at the doors. One I walk through its easier, it doesn’t stir up life much, keeps me at home most of the time, keeps life as it is, keeps things simple, internal, and self preserving.  And through this door my God is a God who will still love me, adore me, and be present in my life.

The other door…it stirs things up.  It gives unceasingly even when I’m tired and don’t feel like it.  Others are always first.  Always, no matter what and without fail.  Time runs out, the dishes pile up, but I’ve made someone smile, I’ve prayed with them or cried with them.  Through this door things don’t add up, the future is unpredictable and I quite literally cannot be confident in knowing what tomorrow will hold.  And through this door my God is a God who will love me, adore me, and be present in my life.

So why?  Why pick the inconvenience??  Why not pick the easy?  If God will still love me and life a bit more comfortable why on earth constantly let yourself be put out?

Because…

there is something earth shattering, world shattering and life changing about being a part of things that go beyond yourself.  There is fruit to be tasted in self sacrifice that heals the deepest hurts, cures the greatest insecurities, and alleviates the strongest fears.  This day I pray for the courage to always pick the door of inconvenience, especially when I hear the call of God’s deeper blessings beckoning me through.

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