“Mommy, are you actually even able to have girls?” says my daughter that yes I actually did carry and bear after she found out we were having another boy. This time around was different though.
Last year, I remember feeling actual sadness and fear at the thought of having another boy and letting my daughter’s dreams of having a sister slowly creep away. Being in the “control” phase of life/parenting/womaning will do that to you. I knew my daughter wanted a sister so badly and it didn’t seem like an unreasonable request, and so I clung to my expectations and my hope. I even did it righteously, afterall it was all for the sake of my sweet daughter.
This time was so much different than last time. When we found out we were having our fourth boy, instead of tears, fears, or disappointments simply came a little half giggle and a “oh my a house of all these boys!” Neither was I worried about telling Faith. I knew that she had grown too. She suffered Gideon’s loss right alongside the rest of us and she is changed. Now understanding the value of a healthy baby, I had confidence that even if she had a little bit of disappointment…God would meet her there. Just like He had every step of the way.
There is no doubt, acceptance. Acceptance that life does not always go as planned, and even if the road veers away from my “preferences” or “visions of what I thought things would look like,” I’m good with that (especially if that “unpreferred” road still consists of healthy loved ones). It helps, truly helps, to hold lightly to how I think I want things to go. Gideon taught me that.
A girl? Did Faith and I both want to add another girl to our lives? One to dress in frilly pink clothes and take on all our girl outings? Sure. But as I sat down with Faith to talk through those feelings I said, “You know honey, we just don’t know how and when God will bring little girls into our lives. But just because it doesn’t happen how we thought it might in the form of a little baby girl…it doesn’t mean He can’t still do it.” I mean I’m talking it could be great grand children before another little girl comes around, but somehow someday it will happen. And until then Faith and I will snuggle, love, and roll our eyes at all these crazy boys in our lives!
Also different this time around is we let the kids chime in on name choices. My husband and I have an ever revolving debate over the meaning of names. I’m pretty obsessed over the name being a type of blessing over the child and my husband thinks I’m way over the top, SO to calm the seas we came up with a multiple choice list for the kids to choose a name from. The list contained both my “meaningful” names and Dave’s “I just like these cause they sound cool” names (can you tell I am biased?) and then it was put in the hands of the people! Faith, being my little leader that she is, naturally just picked the name she liked best and then convinced the boys to buy in too. Mommy just sat there and prayed that SOME meaning would rise forth (I mean really, clearly I don’t even know what over the top looks like)!
And (because God is good) we would like to share with you that little….
Samuel Camden Furlough is on his way, stirring already fully in the hearts of his parents and siblings.
What does his name mean? Oh I am so glad you asked.
Samuel Camden God Has Heard, Winding Valley.
And so already, whether Samuel is with us for one more day or fifteen million more days…be assured that though the winding valleys of life do come. Yes, God Has Heard.