As I stood there in the audience, feelings of both sadness and joy ran through me as I sang the words to the very song that immediately brings me back to…
the baby feet kicks
the wrestling to finally trust God fully in the season of suffering we found ourselves in.
It really was amazing be there. At the Hillsong concert the entire arena sang at the top of their lungs, hands raised high, for two and a half hours straight and I couldn’t help but be reminded of how big and powerful God is. Its a grandeur that I want to sink into, to tackle, to continue to ask questions about, and never stop pondering the things that are possible through a daily time spent with Him. Once you get a taste its hard to ignore, but if you are like me, you have ton constantly fight to keep God at the top of your priority list.
The name of the song is Oceans. Its a song I’m sure many of you are familiar with and its a song you probably have heard me mention, and for many of you who have walked this road with us even the first few notes can immediately ensue tears. I’ll never forget the first time I heard it. I was at a benefit concert for a family in our church, a family of 6 including four little girls, two of which are twins, who were about to embark on the unforgettable journey of becoming missionaries in India. To think, what confidence it takes for a young, large family to leave everything they know behind…everything they own, all whom they love, and the life that is theirs to go serve people whom they have never met. The presence and the power of God has always been undeniable to me when you think about what their family is doing. There is just simply no way apart from the presence and power of a real and living God.
At their benefit I heard Reeve sing Oceans for the first time. I could do nothing but sit down and cry as I listened to the lyrics and as my heart overflowed with the prayer, “God I want you to call me out on the water too. I want to go there too.” Little did I know that weeks later He would ask me to do exactly that, the concert was two weeks before Gideon’s diagnosis.
In the beginning, one line in particular ran over and over again in my mind “Where feet may fail and fear surrounds me, You’ve never failed and you won’t start now.”
You’ve never failed and you won’t start now…
Was it true? I found myself asking that question. Looking back frantically through the pages of my entire life looking to see if I could find a time, an instance, a circumstance that I had felt God had failed me. I couldn’t find one. Not one. And while I knew that did not mean that life always went painlessly, I could see God’s presence in it all. Yes it was true, and since that was the case…shouldn’t I even trust Him now?
As I sat there in Bojangles Coliseum this past weekend, a different line stood out to me, “Spirit lead me when my trust is without borders…” Faith without borders is what happens when you survive hell on earth because God was there to carry you through. And if He can do that then He can do anything. If He can call and carry a young family of 6 to missions in India, if He can bring a smile to the face of a mother whose child has died, if He can bring hope to where all has been lost then lead me anywhere you go Lord because I trust in nothing more than I trust in you.
This Bible verse is plastered to my bathroom mirror Psalm 73:26:
My flesh and my heart may fail,
but God is the strength of my heart
and my portion forever.”
A reminder daily to live in the trust that God has fully earned in my life. Though He never had to prove it to me, though the death and life of His Son was far more than enough, because He loves me like a good Daddy does He showed me. May you see it too.
Just in case you didn’t see it the first time, or just needed a refresher, or wanted to shed some tears with me…