Is it weird that I find myself attracted to difficult things? Its almost as if I have gotten a taste of how powerful it is to know the presence of God in a time of trial and pain, and I wonder if a part of me is trying to grapple for more. Like making totally sure I am in impossible situations that only God can get me through, who does that? Apparently I do lately.
A good friend of mine Julia and I recently went through a season in our friendship of silence and hurt. It was unlike anything I had experienced in a friendship before and a part of me shut down because I simply did not know what to do. I knew none of the hurt was intentional and I grappled constantly with what to do. To talk about it would be difficult, transparent and honest in a way I think we were both more comfortable with avoiding. To not talk about it would have been terminal to our friendship, I didn’t want that either.
To be honest, in many ways I was mad at myself. Our families have been friends for years, our oldest children were babies when we met and our kids have multiplied and grown through the years. If only once or twice I had been brave and shared more of myself, I think the silence and hurt could have been avoided all together. But I was chicken. Always chicken. Always worried about this or that, never wanting to put myself in an uncomfortable conversation or situation and so I never opened my heart much. Stuffed it, buried it, and made my thoughts a field day of assumptions and judgements instead of truths.
I’m thankful that God was whispering to Julia too, challenging her (like me) to not shy away from something just because it is hard. Instead sink into it. Grab onto it with all your might, pray for God’s wisdom and then trust that He will give you what you need. “For the Spirit God gave us does not make us timid, but gives us power, love, and self-discipline.” 2 Timothy 1:7. So many times during our truth sharing I praised God because I could see that He was bringing new life and friendship out of the silence and the hurt. That there was freedom and new confidence, not only in eachother and in our friendship, but in the power of being open and honest regardless of how uncomfortable it feels.
Yes, I think I’m starting to grow to really appreciate the difficult things in life. With big things like friendship, but I think also with the smaller things too. Smaller things like…puppies.
I kept on rolling this over and over in my mind. The questions kept sounding like this…Do I love cleaning up poop and vaccuming up hair? Nope. Do I love my moldings and socks just the way they are? Yup. Do you think it will be fun having to wake up in the middle of the night for little puppy potty runs? Not really. Are you going to get a new puppy? Yes. Yes we are.
I am not kidding when I say that during the entire 3 hour drive to pick up our little new addition my brain was still going “What are you thinking??” But the fact still remained, both Dave and I were on the same page that this little family and I wanted and needed the joy that comes with a new little four legged friend. And as the days have passed I can see it now, the hard becomes less hard when it is put in perspective. Also puppy training is way easier when your daughter doesn’t put her down long enough to even have an accident in the house.
We proudly introduce to you Gracie. She has brought much joy and giggles to our home and she already fits right in. I am so thankful we didn’t run away from the difficult.
So here’s to the freedom that comes in honesty.
The joy that is birthed from surviving the difficult.
The faith in God that is solidified through seeing Him come through.
And the sweet childlike giggles that come from smelly puppy licks.