I’ve had quite a few teary moments these past two weeks. A little more than usual. I think a big piece of me is moving on and another big piece of me is not ready to yet. And so, it has felt really good to cry. Its like when I cry I can put myself back into the moment I was holding him. Or back into the moment when I was pregnant with him. Back into any moment with…well…with Gideon.
During one of those teary moments I started thinking about a phrase thats become a part of our family: “Gideon Strong.” Over and over again it rang through my head…
I became amazed at how much that phrase really means and I found myself digging back through the story of Gideon in the Bible. Did you know, that Gideon’s army defeated the Midianites without ever going to battle? God gave them a battle that included making the enemy so confused that they actually just ran away. There Gideon and his army stood, holding torches and horns and without even a weapon they stood there victorious. Without even a weapon. With no human strength whatsoever.
All of my weapons have been taken away too. Any sense of control I thought I once had is gone and I find myself deep in the throws of clinging to Gideon type strength and really reflecting back on exactly what that means. Gideon type strength is God focused trust. Thats it and thats all.
Many people through this process have told me, “Your faith is so strong. You are so strong.” I would like to emphatically take this opportunity to emphasize that by definition any strength of my own is the very opposite of the strength that God proved through my Gideon. My Gideon, my son, proved to this momma, this family, once and for all that the only real strength is to have faith that there is goodness and provision through a God that loves us very much. I write all of this mostly as a reminder to myself. Reminders help me grieve. Reminders help me continue to grow through the pain. Reminders, well, they help me remember.
“‘My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.’ Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weakness, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.” 2 Corinthians 12:9
God’s Word continues to surprise and exceed, always exceeding expectations. Dear friends of ours sent us a thank you card today and in it was that verse. A verse that I have always loved, but never came to the surface during these past months of trial and grief. But today they were just what I needed, once again God coming to the rescue to bring meaning to the thoughts that have been weighing on my heart and mind.
Its just that isn’t it? Gideon Strong, its being perfect in our weakness. Its constantly acknowledging that in this life there is pain, sickness, death, and hurt. These days, they are never automatic, but Christ’s power is available to anyone who reaches out to grab it. Its there. The difficult thing is claiming the weakness, the very thing that causes the heartache, the sorrow, the pain…and claiming it as power. I promise you, somehow in God’s mysterious ways, claiming weakness as power is a mighty thing. Suddenly the world cannot hurt you anymore. Suddenly I can do it, because Christ’s power is now mine to lean on. Suddenly, though the storm still rages, you can find something to hold onto.
So many beautiful mysteries…
Peace within the pain.
Hope despite the death.
Unafraid though trials are imminent.
90 minutes impacting a lifetime.
Strength through weakness.