There are a few things that get us through these days. One of them is knowing that God came through for us before and we are confident He won’t stop now. Through the diagnosis, the choices, the pain, the joy, the hello, and the goodbye…through it all God gave us exactly what we needed and when we needed it. With my whole heart, soul, and body I rely on knowing that He will still come through in my relentless sorrow of missing my sweet baby son.
The other thing getting us through is you. Your prayers, cards, loving gifts, and meals bolster our spirits in the most tangible way possible. Not only that, but you give us the huge gift of loving Gideon too. Loving him because he is precious and special, and loving him because many of you saw first hand the power of a living God through his life. In the moments I cannot stop crying, in the moments when my heart feels ripped to shreds over missing my boy…I remember the lives that he touched. I remember the change and the good that came from his life and it lifts me. It brings me great joy in the midst of great pain.
At Gideon’s service we wanted to send people away with a reminder of Gideon. One that could be put up in your homes as a visual keepsake of Gideon’s life. They were little magnets and they looked like this:
We didn’t order nearly enough, and I know people left the service without one. Because of this, and because I know that many of you from near and far have been touched by Gideon, I wanted to offer to send one to you too, or anyone else that you think of might appreciate one. This will be a slow project for me, so I appreciate your patience, but one that would be precious for me to do.
I will be putting in an order for more magnets sometime over the next week or so. If you would like one please email me your name and address with “Gideon Magnet” in the subject line to email@example.com. It is a small small way for me to say “thank you.” Thank you for for walking this journey with us and for opening up your hearts to Gideon.
Over and over again I have stewed over the words of the verse we chose for Gideon’s magnet. Each word rings true of Gideon and how his life has so changed ours. These words imprint upon my heart the realization that God did something amazing when he created Gideon, for he came to teach us so much.
“For you have been my hope, Sovereign Lord, my confidence since my youth…”
Hope and confidence, two things that through pain and loss have really solidified in us. I thank God every morning he blesses us with a day to live powerfully centered on God’s hope, and confidence that He is Sovereign…in all things. At all times.
“From birth I have relied on you, you brought me forth from my mother’s womb. I will ever praise you…”
Sometimes I picture Gideon having a closeness with God that is not of this world. That even as I carried him and birthed him, he was always one foot in heaven and one foot with me. I imagine God looking at him with great pride, and I imagine Gideon having sweet praises for His Heavenly Father. I imagine that Gideon was closely God’s and that although I was blessed to have him only for a short while, that Gideon’s life was one of great divine purpose.
“I have become a sign to many…”
At the very least Gideon has become a sign to me, to my husband, to our children, family and friends. Gideon has become a sign to us that God is real, and that He does what He says He will do. A sign that God can be trusted, even with our deepest darkest fears. A sign that even in death, there is hope. A sign true peace can be realized, even in the midst of great pain and hurt. A sign that though this life brings great pain and loss, there is an even greater life to come.
“You are my strong refuge.”
I need refuge now more than I ever have in my life. We have all come to this place, or will find ourselves in it soon. The place where despair is just a breath away and hopelessness seems like the only choice. It is in this place I have lived for four months, and even greater now. But praise God I have a place to run to, to sprint to with my tears and my longing and my sadness. A strong refuge. Thank you Gideon, for showing me that “strong refuge” is not just an idea or words on a paper. But a real and trustworthy place for my broken body to land. A place where we can all land with great confidence and hope.