Saying Goodbye

These past couple of months have been difficult ones for my family and I.  Hard times come and go in life, they are inevitable.  But, to me, they are also constant proof that I need God and I need the hope that comes in believing in Him.  Hope got me through.  Hope got my family through.

As the days went by I saw myself become the mom, wife, minister, friend, daughter that I promised myself I would never become.  Short-tempered.  Forgetful.  Impatient.  Too busy to stop.  Tired.  Depressed.  Self-focused.  Something had to change.  But what?

For the past six years of my life, since my oldest child was born, I have worked from home.  I teetered tottered between the “working mom” world and the “stay at home mom” world.  For awhile, it was under control and I somehow managed the insanity.  So many times I would think, “wow, if people could only see me now!”  At one point I am pretty certain I was on a conference call, nursing my baby, and standing in the bathroom with my oldest son after he yelled “I’m donnnneeeeeeee!  Can you wipe softly??”  True story.  It got extra pretty when the stomach flu came to visit.  But you get the idea.

idratherbeplaying

 

By God’s grace alone, somehow it worked.

Then, in December, it stopped working.  My brain, my body, and my spirit gave out.  In my prayer time and quiet time with God I knew it was time to quit working.  That soft whisper in my Spirit that said “it’s time.”  Of course, after the decision comes the fear, the what ifs, the “Can we really do this??”

To be honest, I am not really sure “if we can do it.”  But, to be more honest, I don’t really care.  I’m done with caring about bank accounts, expense, control, and security.  No fear of the future is worth sacrificing today.

Change is never easy.  Especially big changes, sometimes painful ones.  But there are indicators along the way, hints that show us that change might be necessary, helpful, or healthy.  My indicators:

1.  My usual joyful self was harder to come by.  A general feeling of being down became my norm.

2.  What was most important to me, the things that I philosophically put at the top of my priority list (being on time to pick my kids up, not missing “muffins for moms,” having date night with my husband, ministering at youth group), those were the things that I was having to bend on in order to keep my head above water.

3.  My spiritual and emotional health weakened.  All the insecurities of my past came flooding back.

Saying goodbye is hard.  Saying goodbye to the life I have lived for the past 6 years can be scary.  Even more scary, for me, was the thought of not changing.    

Out with the old, in with the new.

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 “Therefore I tell you, do not worry about your life, what you will eat or drink; or about your body, what you will wear. Is not life more than food, and the body more than clothes?Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Can any one of you by worrying add a single hour to your life”  Matthew 6:25-27

Bird watching with Aaron as my son David snaps the picture.
Bird watching with Aaron as my son David snaps the picture.

12 thoughts on “Saying Goodbye

    1. Brittnie! Thank you always for your sweet thoughts. You have often pulled me in and reminded me as to why I write in the first place. It is my passion and it is my ministry. The work I am saying goodbye to is my “day job,” working for a technical company. But your “goodbye” reminded me of the difference. I think I will write about that next…

  1. your three “indicators” sound like a pivotal thought process many moms struggle with while trying to balance priorities in life. you are so right that hard times are inevitable and while they prove we need God, they also prove His mercies are around us more often than we think…we just take the “good times” for granted. I would say this is a “good time” for the Furlough family – I pray from the bottom of my heart your heart wakes up feeling light and happy every morning knowing you can soak in your kids to the fullest:) ps. the short hair is hot. reminds me of someone else in the family…;)

  2. I’m so excited to see how God uses your willingness to change to bless you and your family! Big changes for us both:) Love you!!

  3. My dearest granddaughter, I just knew a blog would be forthcoming on your recent life-change, and voila here it is. Oh, how I wish I had your wisdom and insight when I was where you are. I know how difficult change is, and I am sure that God will give you the grace, the courage, and the joy to take a new direction in your life. Seems like we have to hit a bottom before we turn our lives around! But God, in His infinite wisdom always opens a new door – we only have to trust Him to take those steps over the threshold. A new haircut is a great way to start – you look marvelous dahling.

  4. Maria,
    Working with you these past six years has been such a joy and I’m sad to say goodbye but I am also so happy for you. Thank you for always being an encouragement to me.
    Faith

    1. Faith, it surely is SO hard to say goodbye. What a blessing it has been to have you there every step of the way. Don’t worry, I am never far 🙂

  5. I love you, and love this. Your courage and faith in this is exceptional…which comes as no surprise, as you yourself are quite exceptional!

    Looking forward to seeing what this journey holds for the Furlough clan 🙂

    -Kim

    1. Maria
      What a gift you have. Reading this really touched me. I am really going to miss you that is a fact but I am so happy for you and your family! It is evident that God is working through you. I pray that I can be half as obedient as you. Your strength truly is a blessing and inspiration. Best of luck! 😉
      Serina

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