Very few times in my adult life have I been brought to tears simply thinking of the blessings that God has bestowed upon me. Today was one of those days.
My children acted like it was Christmas morning today…excitedly waking me up, serving me breakfast, and giving me the gifts they have been preparing for weeks. Me? For me? I don’t really deserve all of this…Do I?
As I was in the shower i cried as I reflected on the beauty I saw in my family’s eyes as they loved on me. Then I realized…maybe, just maybe, this is what it feels like to accept a gift wholeheartedly. Freely. Ashamedly. Proudly. Maybe this is it what it is like to realize that there just might be some beauty within me that is worthy of accolade and praise. Hmmm this feeling is foreign to me.
This feeling is foreign because I am too hard on myself…and most of you understand exactly what I mean because you are too hard on yourselves too. Constantly feeling as if I am unworthy of the love that is given to me or that my imperfections outweigh the good…leaving very little to praise. But, God wants more for me than I am willing to give myself. God thinks so much more highly of me than I give Him credit for and, whats more than that, He has given me people in my life to be His little hands and feet. And whats even more than that…He gave up His son for me so that I can be with Him. A sacrifice of the greatest price.
So many times worries, fears, anxieties, and unrealistic standards get in the way of receiving blessings and praise. Today, as I tossed aside my feelings of inadequacy I was able to breathe in love from my children, husband, mother, and father that I have never been able to truly appreciate before. I am soaking it up. “So God, this is what you meant when you told me you loved me.”
People have said these words to me before, (I am sure you might have heard them too) “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you.” Those words meant little to me. They bounced off me as untruths, words that someone was only saying to me to make me feel better. But its true. My insecure brain too many times acts as a brick wall, keeping out the very love and encouragement that my soul desperately needs and longs for.
So today, for you, I pray that you might hear this song in a whole new way, or maybe hear it for the first time. May you soak up the love that God has for you and the hands and feet He has put in your life to show you…and know that it is okay to need it. Also, it is okay to accept it. Imagine…as much as my Mother and Father, my Husband and Children love me…my Heavenly Father loves me infinitely more. Now that is some lovin’ I can get used to.