Is it possible to be bored in life, yet busier than you could ever imagine? Is it allowed? Is it something I should hide, be ashamed of, overcome? No, I am pretty sure it is a glaring announcement that God wants my attention.
As I go through my days feeling utter contentment and joy over the family and life that God has blessed me with, I cannot help but notice the lack of excitement going on inside of me. I look to my “right”…maybe I need less in my life. So I dwindle it down a bit, take a couple more deep breathes, and have more free time. Nope. That didn’t work. Next! I look to my “left”…ahhhh I must need more in my life. Attend a trial membership at a gym, read a few books, make more appointments with friends…still nothing.
Oh there you are. “Hello God, its me Maria. I am sorry I have been ignoring you…I just thought…” Yup, that was problem “I just thought.” My thinking usually gets me nowhere. Inside this brain of mine is a tangled web of a mess that only gets me into more trouble. In between the insecure thoughts of not being “good enough” as a mom, a woman, a wife I find myself screaming to myself to stop the madness. Truth is I am doing my best and even with all my mistakes, slip ups, tired days and bad days God know my heart and I believe He will never ignore my cries.
Lately my cries have been for friendship. God has blessed me with so many friends…Lord, can I please have some more? So many days I feel lonely and just want to crawl over someone’s house in my pajamas with my unbathed children in tow and say “can I just be with you for a while.” The way I look at it, if I gather up enough friends than I can rotate who has to deal with me on any given day!
God has made us for friendship. He has made us to be in community with others. I am finished feeling bad about needing more of the blessing he has created us to want more of. Now the question is where do I find these women and how do I convince them to be my friends?? Who knows! Isn’t that the age old question that no one has a good answer to? For now, I am going to live in peaceful acceptance of the fact that it is okay to need people.
Chris says
Amen! God created us for relationships. So go find those friends – share life together – and enjoy all that God has planned for you!
Carrie says
You’re words are so eloquent and you have truly been given a gift, Maria. So excited you answered His call! I’m so proud to say you’re my friend, and give God the glory for bringing us together! I’m so excited to see how this unfolds for you and I know many women will be touched through this and learn, just as I already have from you, many many times over.