Is it possible to be bored in life, yet busier than you could ever imagine? Is it allowed? Is it something I should hide, be ashamed of, overcome? No, I am pretty sure it is a glaring announcement that God wants my attention.
As I go through my days feeling utter contentment and joy over the family and life that God has blessed me with, I cannot help but notice the lack of excitement going on inside of me. I look to my “right”…maybe I need less in my life. So I dwindle it down a bit, take a couple more deep breathes, and have more free time. Nope. That didn’t work. Next! I look to my “left”…ahhhh I must need more in my life. Attend a trial membership at a gym, read a few books, make more appointments with friends…still nothing.
Oh there you are. “Hello God, its me Maria. I am sorry I have been ignoring you…I just thought…” Yup, that was problem “I just thought.” My thinking usually gets me nowhere. Inside this brain of mine is a tangled web of a mess that only gets me into more trouble. In between the insecure thoughts of not being “good enough” as a mom, a woman, a wife I find myself screaming to myself to stop the madness. Truth is I am doing my best and even with all my mistakes, slip ups, tired days and bad days God know my heart and I believe He will never ignore my cries.
Lately my cries have been for friendship. God has blessed me with so many friends…Lord, can I please have some more? So many days I feel lonely and just want to crawl over someone’s house in my pajamas with my unbathed children in tow and say “can I just be with you for a while.” The way I look at it, if I gather up enough friends than I can rotate who has to deal with me on any given day!
God has made us for friendship. He has made us to be in community with others. I am finished feeling bad about needing more of the blessing he has created us to want more of. Now the question is where do I find these women and how do I convince them to be my friends?? Who knows! Isn’t that the age old question that no one has a good answer to? For now, I am going to live in peaceful acceptance of the fact that it is okay to need people.